I was always a fan of King of the Hill. Basically, it was a cartoon about a family man with a propane fetish named Hank Hill, who lived with his wife Peggy and son Bobby in suburban Texas with his friends Dale Gribble, Jeffrey Boomhauer and Bill Dauterive. It was ... boring, to say the least, but it had a lot of funny moments. Since its cancelation in 2009, King of the Hill has become a victim of YouTube poop, which is a much funnier way of keeping the show running. To this day, it still remains one of my personal favorite series alongside Everybody Hates Chris, Everybody Loves Raymond, Everybody Loves Chris, Everybody Hates Raymond (I watch a lot of sitcoms), Sanford and Son, Good Times, What's Happening, The Jeffersons, The Cosby Show (I watch a lot of blackevision), Death Note, Attack on Titan, Boku no Pico, Fullmetal Alchemist, the Pokemon series (I watch a lot of anime), Shoe and Shoelace, The Vladimir Putin Show, The Russian Sleep Experiment the Series Based on the Movie Based on the Video Game Based on the Creepypasta (I watch a lot of Ruskivision). Point being, I don't wanna watch TV ever again after the shit that happened to me.
It all started on a dark and stormy night. I was browsing the internet for some stupid shit. For some reason, I Goggle-searched "propane and propane accessories" to see what would happen. Something happened. The first result I saw was "Mike Judge Announces King of the Hill to Return Now". I looked back at my TV and saw that King of the Hill was on. I checked to see what episode it was and the episode's name was "Texas Propane Massacre" dated for 2014 and the description was "Hank has had it with Bobby."
HOLYFUCKINGSHITOHMYGODMANTHISCANTBEHAPPENINGFUCKYEAH.EXE
The episode started out normally. The only difference was that the intro was in 3D. Hank was driving home from work when he saw Peggy and Bobby grilling burgers with charcoal. Infuriated by this, Hank grabbed a tank of propane and threw it at Bobby, crushing his head and killing him. "I sure do take pitty on ya, son. Buck Strickland will judge ya in the clean-burnin hell," he said.
He was about to get out his propane flamethrower to torch Peggy, but Bill ran into his yard screaming, "NOOOOOO PEGGEH!!!!" He jumped in front of Peggy before Hank could burn her and as a result, Bill died instead.
Hank didn't care. He finished Peggy and looked over at Dale and Boomhauer. "You guys better not testify against me, I tell ya hwat."
"No worries, Hank," Dale said. "I won't testify against you, but Rusty Shackleford might."
Hank used his propane flamethrower on Dale and Boomhauer ran into his house to hide from Hank's clean-burning fury. However, escaping Hank wasn't so easy. Hank got one of his propane bombs and set it at Boomhauer's door. He breached Boomhauer's house in slowmotion like in Call of Duty and 360 no-scoped Boomhauer and Boomhauer died. He then got a propane nuke and blew up Arlen. Hank realized that he had to go off the grid so that he wouldn't be hunted down by the government, so he fled to Russia and joined their military. He was forever known as Captain Hank Hillov. He killed 360,000,000 Ukrainian soldiers during his service and retired ten years later to a small cabin forty-six miles outside of Moscow, where he died of a unicycle bear attack.
The episode finally ended then. I looked behind myself and saw Bobby Hill standing there. I got my shotgun and blew his brains out like any lost episode victim would. I then realized that I had just murdered a kid. There was only one way to avoid prison and that was to flee to Russia ...
Россия – священная наша держава,
Россия – любимая наша страна.
Могучая воля, великая слава –
Твоё достоянье на все времена!
Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
Братских народов союз вековой,
Предками данная мудрость народная!
Славься, страна! Мы гордимся тобой!
От южных морей до полярного края
Раскинулись наши леса и поля.
Одна ты на свете! Одна ты такая –
Хранимая Богом родная земля!
Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
Братских народов союз вековой,
Предками данная мудрость народная!
Славься, страна! Мы гордимся тобой!
Широкий простор для мечты и для жизни
Грядущие нам открывают года.
Нам силу даёт наша верность Отчизне.
Так было, так есть и так будет всегда!
Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
Братских народов союз вековой,
Предками данная мудрость народная!
Славься, страна! Мы гордимся тобой!